Attraction is simply a positive feeling that one person has for another. It can be in the form of admiration, love, friendship or lust. The factors that influence one person to be attracted to another are similarity, physical attractiveness, proximity and reciprocity.
This means having things in common. You can boost this by picking up on things she says and forming connections. For example, if she says she likes a certain film and you like it too, say so, because that‟s a similarity that will increase your attractiveness.
Don‟t make the mistake of telling lies here because she will subconsciously pick them up and they will have the opposite effect. If you didn‟t like the film, choose something else to form your similarity. Maybe you like one of the actors who was in it. With practice you can become very skilled at picking out and focusing on these similarities.
Although you cannot control what type of guy a particular woman finds attractive, you can make the most of yourself. Be clean, spend some time and money on your haircut, wear the kind of clothes that girls find attractive.
Being in good health is attractive but don‟t worry too much if you are a little overweight, if you are short, stuff like that. Some girls like these things, and many others will not care if you make the most of what you have.
Within reason, a girl will be attracted to someone who is close by, or someone that she sees often. If you see the same girl on your way to work each day and you notice her looking at you, you have a great chance with her. In a club, moving around the room will help you get closer to more girls than if you stay in one place. When she has had a chance to notice you, get talking to her.
This simply means that we tend to like the people who like us. This is also true of attraction. Don‟t be afraid to show that you are attracted to a girl, because it will increase her interest in you.
Of course, don‟t pursue someone who has shown that she is definitely not interested. To have a chance with her, accept her „no‟ right away, stop focusing on her and go talk to someone else, but try again another day.
These are the basics of the psychological factor in attraction.
There is another principle of psychology that you should know about and can use to your advantage. This is the classification of personalities. You can learn what to talk about and how to behave with women who have different personality types.
Personality can be categorized into three types:
Kinesthetic – focusing on touch. These women are likely to use a lot of touch-related words in their speech. This includes the word „feel‟. So somebody who says „it feels like‟ a lot could be a kinesthetic personality.
These women will react well to being touched in a friendly way, sooner than others. You can give her a squeeze or touch her arm – she will enjoy that and may respond by returning your touch.
Visual – focusing on sight. These people will say things like „it looks like‟ and „I see what you mean‟.
You will do well with these women by focusing on the visual. Admire their clothing and jewelry, or point out things you like about the appearance and décor of the place that you are in. She will feel that you are a like mind if you do this.
Auditory – focusing on sound and hearing. These people will say „I hear you‟ and „did you hear about …‟.
To start a conversation with these women, ask what type of music they like, or say they have a beautiful voice or a lovely laugh. You can also do well with them if you are able to pick up on nuances of tone of voice – which you will do naturally if you are an auditory personality yourself.
You will have a huge advantage over other guys if you can pick up on these personality types and respond in the right way to them. For example, if you ask a visual type woman what music she likes, you will probably leave her cold. But ask her about film and you could have a great conversation that leads to the bedroom.
In order to pick up what personality type a woman is within a few minutes or seconds of meeting her, you will need some practice. Start by noticing the forms of speech that your friends use, and classifying them.
Then consider yourself. You will naturally get on fine with women who are the same personality type as you, so it is important to know what that is. Record a casual conversation that you are having and analyse it, or consider other factors – do you enjoy stroking a cat, you do love art, do you love music. Do not decide too quickly because you probably have preconceived ideas about what you would like to be, that may not be true. Observe yourself as you have been observing your friends.
You will probably find that you are the same type as many of your friends, so the next step will be to get practiced at making friendly conversation with people of other types. You need to learn to converse with them as if you were their type, so that they are more attracted to you. You will probably find these people in your place of work and in other situations where people are more randomly grouped.
It will not come naturally to you to say „I feel …‟ or „I see what you mean‟ or „I hear you‟ if those words do not fit your personality type. You will be uncomfortable at first, so it is very important practice with casual acquaintances before you start using this technique on attractive women. After a while you may find that you are suddenly making friends with unexpected people, you are more popular at work than you ever dreamed possible, and the woman in the grocery store is crazy about you – then you know it‟s working, and you can get out there and start using the technique for real.
When you talk with a girl in the way she prefers then you will find her opening up to you. It won‟t be long before she becomes physically attracted to you. The reason for the rapid attraction lies in the fact that the woman you are with starts to picture you as her soul mate subconsciously. When she begins to see you as her soul mate, you will no longer be a stranger to her. She feels that she has known you all her life and that you can understand her totally.
Avoid these psychological mistakes
Some men have the tendency to make mistakes in the psychology of seduction. Let us look at some of the common MISTAKES which most men make and what you should do to avoid them:
Trying to act as an extremely nice guy: women do not get physically attracted to you because you are nice. They get attracted to you because you are confident, optimistic and successful. Be clear about the difference between being happy and being nice.
Trying to argue a woman into liking you: if a woman is not interested in you then do not use words to try to persuade her to like you. It does not happen and no matter what you say or do, it most definitely will not make a woman fall for you. It is simply not possible for you to persuade a woman to become attracted to you. If she is not interested then the only way you can change that is to genuinely forget her and get lots of other women interested in you. When you do that, she may change her mind, but only when you no longer care either way. So move on.
Waiting for her permission or approval: many men wait for approval or ask for a woman‟s permission before they do certain things. For example, they may ask if they can kiss her, insist that she chooses where to go on a date rather than making a suggestion, or even wait for women to approach them in a bar. They think that by doing what the woman wants them to do, they can win her over. In fact she will see this as a sign that the man lacks confidence. Most women do not find it attractive at all to be asked for their permission all the time. Many will even be irritated by it.
However, this does not mean that you have to ill-treat her. Just be normal. If it feels like the right moment to kiss her, then kiss her. Be confident: don‟t be afraid of rejection. In the unlikely event that she doesn‟t like it that you kissed her, apologize and wait a while before trying again. It‟s no big deal.
Trying to purchase her affection: if you think that you can win over her by taking her out to dinner or showering her with expensive gifts then you are very wrong. In the worst case, if you make her feel that she owes you sex because you bought her dinner, you are treating her like a cheap prostitute. If you are simply trying to impress her, then it doesn‟t matter what something cost. She will love receiving your gifts if she likes you, regardless of their value, just because they are a sign of your affection. But a woman who is not attracted to you will not change just because of an expensive gift.
Telling her your feelings too soon: if you claim to be in love with a woman at first sight, or say anything that suggests that, she will probably run a mile. She will either think you shallow, or she will think you are lying to get into her pants. It is well known belief found in all women‟s magazines that most guys‟ affections change pretty fast and a guy who falls in love easily, falls out of it easily too. Never express your feelings in the beginning of the relationship.
Believing that women only fall for looks: we covered this already, but it is worth repeating. If you think you need plastic surgery to make women fall for you then you couldn‟t be more wrong. Don‟t waste your money – a new nose will not get you one extra date. The way that you communicate with her and behave toward her is way more important. By using these two elements, you can make yourself sexually attractive to women, whatever you look like.
Being inflexible: some guys have a set pickup line and procedure that they use in all circumstances, on the grounds that it worked for them once. If you do this you may have a success now and then but you will fail with most women because you cannot adapt your technique to the individual woman and the circumstances. Learn to vary your technique according to her personality type and the information that she gives you in conversation, and your success rate will increase.